It’s officially the winter season, my friend. On the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, many people in spiritual circles take time for inner reflection and contemplation. Introspection in winter- wintrospection? Dorky term aside, I love the idea. December itself has included a lot of thought work for me. Actually, I can attest that the past several months have been full of thought work since starting my freelance business. But this month felt different. I feel different. Suddenly I find I have more confidence, more experience and skill, and more willingness to feel the discomfort that I’ve found is a hundred percent necessary to fully experience being a human. I want to experience it all.
Last night we went to an ugly Christmas sweater party, and after all the peopling I did there (which admittedly involved my being in the same corner for most of the night), I was ready to take it easy for the day. I decided not to give myself much of an agenda, and what I wound up doing was cleaning. Nothing too heavy, but my home office has now been purged of clutter and those unnecessary scraps of things we sometimes hold onto for sentimental reasons – reasons that no longer make sense. It felt so good to pare down the junk on my bookcase and out of my desk drawers. Soon, I realized I had decluttered the kitchen pantry and the two-drawer chest beside my bed, to boot. It makes us feel lighter, somehow, to get rid of the junk we don’t need in order to be able to see and appreciate what we already have. Hm. It’s almost like a metaphor for life…
Despite 2019 being right around the corner, New Year’s resolutions have never been my thing. However, a few weeks ago, I did take time to sit in a quiet place with a notebook and do a planning session of goals I want to accomplish, in life and in my business, starting right now. I even bought a really cool 2019 planner that I transferred this list into – my first planner since my college days! That’s a long time ago, FYI.
When I look back and see the changes I’ve made in my life since I lost the weight, I certainly see a person who wanted to achieve goals. But before becoming a business owner, I was not a big planner. I never set a specific goal to lose 20 lbs, it just happened naturally as I focused on getting healthy. This absence of goals was partly due to having an intuitive personality that doesn’t like feeling pressured to achieve, achieve, achieve – even from within. But part of it, too, was being afraid to set goals I might fall short of. I didn’t want to fail.
I still don’t quite feel like a natural at planning, but the important thing is in the doing. It doesn’t have to come naturally as long as it gets done. It is getting done, and now I have the framework in place to maintain it. I feel like I’m winning already! What a change from the succeed/fail mindset I had for so very many years.
Doing it afraid
It can be scary as hell to make the kinds of changes in your life that you know have the potential to completely change you as a person. I know, I’ve spent a good bit of 2018 being scared shitless and pressing ‘send’ anyway, scared and asking the questions anyway, scared and being vulnerable anyway.
I made a post earlier today on my Instagram account which said, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” I believe that with all my heart, and I know it to be true because I’ve lived it and I am willing to continue living it to reach my goals. Are you? Are you punching through your fearful thoughts, or are you letting them stop you for another day? Another week, another month, another YEAR? Don’t let your fear keep you small for one more second. If you’re sick of dieting but want to lose weight, don’t continue to hesitate. Don’t linger in that doubt. Bet on yourself. Do it afraid. Remember, it doesn’t have to come naturally; the important thing is in the doing. You don’t have to do it alone. I’m here to help.