There are a lot of sources out there on positivity that I have found leave a lot to be desired.
Before getting into the meat of it, let me start by saying the point of this post is not to suggest you ignore your positive emotions or thought patterns. Not at all. You’ll see my intent is quite the opposite. Let me explain why.
I have come to believe, wholeheartedly, that accepting both positivity and negativity within ourselves is crucial to our emotional wellbeing, and ultimately, our lives. Like the symbol of yin and yang, the light and the dark and the balance between the two, you can’t have positivity without negativity.
Yet we spend so much of our time doing exactly that – avoiding feeling a feeling. That’s all it is – sadness, loneliness, anxiety, frustration, all these things we label as ‘negative’ and treat as though they are morally wrong. These are feelings, and there is nothing inherently wrong with feeling them. Emotions and feelings arise for a reason, and I’d ask you to consider getting curious about your reasons.
ALL emotions come from our brain. But we create so much drama and distraction in order to keep from feeling a feeling created in our own brains – specifically the feelings we consider negative. We develop unhealthy ways of focusing our attention elsewhere to avoid feeling negatively when all it does is prolong our feeling of it.
We overeat, overdrink, over-numb using social media or watching TV for hours on end.
Did you ever think of these things as ways of ignoring yourself?
These numbing tools do not solve the real issue at hand. They do not make the negative feeling go away, my friend. Because we are ignoring ourselves. We’ve just painted over the hole in the wall without spackling it. It’s just going to show up again.
We don’t want to get curious about these feelings or where they came from because we know the only way around is through. We haven’t allowed ourselves the discomfort needed to experience the negative emotions that will serve us on the other side, from the knowledge and the strength gained by doing so.
I make the case that there is nothing wrong with feeling a negative feeling. There is no certain way we should feel at any given moment. In fact, just remove ‘should’ from your mental vocabulary for a while.
There is nothing wrong with you when you feel awkward or bored or restless or unhappy or anxious or lonely or sad or anything else we label ‘negative.’
If you weren’t meant to feel it sometimes, it wouldn’t exist.
Life IS those hills and valleys, the ups and downs, and positives and negatives. There is something worth learning in ALL OF IT.
Don’t get caught up in numbing yourself to your life.
If you want help identifying and working through some of the thoughts and emotions and discomfort I’ve been talking about recently, I’m just a click away. We can figure it out together. If you just have questions or comments about the topics discussed, feel free to drop me a line. I’d love to hear from you.